I write and post a lot of lists for my friends on my personal Facebook page that the general public never gets to see. I write “Positive Lists,” lists of “Things to Do,” and lists of “Pets I wish I had but Never Will.” Random shit like that. Since there’s a fuck of a lot less food in my life to write about, I’ve decided to start publishing some of those lists here on my blog for everyone to see. I hope you will enjoy them.
I went outside yesterday, and I’m little concerned about y’alls’s concept of what six feet looks like. So, if you could just look down at your foot for second. Thank you. Now imagine six of those.
PRO TIP: If your foot is less than a foot long, imagine seven or eight of them if you have to. Serrrrrsly. It ain’t that hard.
And now, with a deadly disease on one side of us and gun-toting “re-openers” on the other, and then something called a “murder hornet” in the news, we need some fun things, so here are…
10 Things That Are FUN!
1. Bubbles! – And bubbles are so easy. Soap + Water = Bubbles. You know what makes blowing bubbles even more fun? Smoke filled bubbles! I suggest using marijuana smoke.
2. Animals! – Animals are insanely cute. Dress them in costumes. Take a selfie with one. Your cat’s face is fucking hilarious! If you don’t have pets, don’t worry, animals are super easy to find. Simply lie down in the out of doors, and cover yourself in seeds, meat, or garbage, depending on which sort of animal you’d like to adopt, and let the fun begin!
3. Cupcakes! – Remember how I said that soap bubbles are more fun when you fill them with marijuana?
4. Board Games! – You could start a game of Monopoly now, for example, and by the time a vaccine is discovered ten years from now… the fun will still be going! Is there anything more fun than a game of MONOPOLY??????????
5. Cartoons! – Except for the racist ones. Which is pretty much all of them before 1990. And most of them after that.
6. Ice Cream! – I don’t have a joke about ice cream. It’s just fun, and it rules, and I want some right now.
7. Piñata! – Sooo, remember what I said about the bubbles and the cupcakes?
8. Parlor Games! – Mmmm… yeah… naw… I take that back. Skip number 8 and go straight to number 9.
9. I know I already included this one on a previous list, but I feel like it has a lot of cross-over potential, and could be added to any number of lists, and that certainly a list of “fun things” would be woefully incomplete without – Oiled Up Pose-Down!
10. Going Out to Eat! – Fuck.
Alright, everybody, I hope you have fun today! And for the love of God, do not get within 6 feet of each other! Make it 12, just in case.
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Thanks for reading!
If you want to, no presh, you can tip me for my writing or for whatever reason you want, through Venmo at Stu-Helm, or through Paypal at email@example.com
Stu Helm is an artist, writer, and podcaster living in Asheville, NC, and a frequent diner at local restaurants, cafes, food trucks, and the like. His tastes run from hot dogs and mac ‘n’ cheese, to haute cuisine, and his opinions are based on a lifetime of eating out. He began writing about food strictly to amuse his friends on Facebook.