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My Eat of the Week is now on
That’s right, my regular feature from Ashvegas.com is now going to be appearing exclusively here on StuHelmFoodFan.com! I’m shifting things around, and bringing more of my own original content over to my own web site, where it belongs! I’ll still be writing for Ashvegas, don’t worry! I’m just more into my own site than ever, and wanna bring some content over here.
For the uninitiated, the Eat of the Week is pretty much what it sounds like: I focus on one thing that I ate that week, and write about it! A meal, an apple, a shoe, and bag of cheesy popcorn. If I ate it and I think it was fucking KILLER, I might write about it as my Eat of the Week! So far, I have never written about a shoe. Or an apple. Gross.
So, this week, my Eat of the Week is a little bit different than usual. I almost always stay hyper focused on local foods in local restaurants, cafes, shops, and food trucks. Occasionally I do veer from the local scene, and prepared foods, and get a little wacky. I once reviewed a shampoo made with beer. #TrueStory This week, however, I want to feature a grocery store item that I like! It called Qi’a, or, as I like to say…
It’s what’s for breakfast, Yo!
Or lunch, or a snack, or even dinner… when you’re lazy as fuck, or in a real hurry because you’re late for something (Asheville!), or just super hungry & can’t wait more than ten minutes TOPS to eat something before you die and / or kill someone. When your hanger is on the brink of a murderous rage… reach for the box of Qi’a. It takes about two seconds to make. And, it’s like, all healthy ‘n’ shit.
Dawn has an electric tea kettle, so when I’m on the brink of passing out from hunger (this actually happens to me more often than you might think, because I get distracted for hours and hours and don’t eat anything, and I have super-low blood pressure, so when I stand up, I’m like… wooooooo…. fer rills.) So, when I’m that hungry, I can just fill Dawn’s electric tea pot with water, press the “ON” button, and then lay of the floor in the fetal position until the button pops back up. Then I just have to muster enough strength to tear open the paper Qi’a packet, dump the weird looking contents into a bowl, pour a small amount of piping hot water on top of it, stir it, curl back up, and count out loud to 180, while the shit happens, and my bowl of coconutty hippy gruel is ready to eat! Of course, it’s HOTTER THAN FUCK at that point, so be careful.
Now, as I said, it’s healthy stuff! Fore reals. It doesn’t have any sugar, or salt in it, and it’s 100% vegan… soooo… you’re gonna need to add sugar, and salt, and some kind of dairy product to it immediately.
I add butter and 1/2 & 1/2 to mine
Of course you do, Stu. . __ .
Hey, those things provide a little bit of salty creamy content, and they cool that shit down a bit, so’s I can get at it faster! I might also add honey, or use coconut oil instead of butter. The package says, “add fruit, ” to which, I’m like, “Yeah, right. Like I have fruit to add.” If I had any fruit in the house, I wouldn’t be desperately scarfing down reconstituted packets of dried-up, post-apocalyptic, ready-to-eats while on the verge of starvation. Would I?!? Don’t be a dick.
Anyone who knows me, or had read my food writing knows that I am not the the strictest of eaters, as you can tell, so obviously I am not into Qi’a for the healthful benefits that it brags about, and undoubtedly contains — I mean, yay, healthful benefits — but I’m pretty much into Qi’a for the flavor, and the convenience, both of which, it’s got plenty! Well, it’s very convenient anyways. Ha ha!
I’m kidding. I’m kidding.
And I wanna be super-clear right now, that I think Qi’a is delicious, and I actually love it. It’s warm, creamy, and coconutty. It’s clean, and not cloying, and it serves as the perfect base for adding a bunch of other stuff to jazz it up. You can keep it healthy, with almond milk, or better yet, coconut milk! Or you can get all kindsa crazy, and add ice cream or fucking marzipan paste to this shit if you want to! Even fruit. ;) So yes, Qi’a is healthy and I made fun of it for that, but it’s also really good, and a great product in my opinion, and that’s why it is my…
EAT OF THE WEEK!
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Stu Helm is a food writer, blogger, social media personality, and food tour guide living in Asheville, NC, where he can frequently be seen at local restaurants, cafes, food trucks, and the like. His tastes run from hot dogs and mac ‘n’ cheese, to haute cuisine, and his opinions are based on a lifetime of eating out. He began writing about food strictly to amuse his friends on Facebook, and has since been called one of Asheville’s top “influencers,” and a “small town celebrity!”