Hello Asheville!

Let’s talk about Trolls.

In September I had to ban two Trolls from my Facebook Page.  Well, I didn’t HAVE to ban them, since I’m the only one making the rules over there, but I did it anyways.

Let’s just say Trolls annoy me.  I find them to be simply the worst sort of people.  They display certain characteristics that I find completely anathema to everything I believe in.

• They are cowardly.  In general they hide behind anonymous screen names, while hurling invectives that they would likely never say  —  nor should they!  —  in a real-life “face-to-face” situation.

• They are not as smart as they think they are.   Although they generally display an average level of intelligence, and a distinct lack of creative thinking, they imagine themselves to be much smarter than everyone else.  If I have to suffer through one more condescending and didactic explanation of “supply and demand,” I’m going to shit myself.  Yeah, we allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll learned about supply and demand in, like, the fourth grade, Professor Numb Nuts.  Holy shit.

• They are very negative people.   I don’t like that. They rarely, if ever, contribute anything positive to a conversation.  The closest they ever come to a positive comment might be a self-important “agreed” typed with a hilarious sense of authority under some other Troll’s egregious and erroneous comment.  Other than that it’s just picking fights, being dicks, and showing their asses to the public on a regular basis.

I might seem like a negative person, but most of that is just bluster.  I don’t “hate kids” as some of the Trolls have taken my hyperbolically harsh screeds about children in restaurants to mean.  I love kids, and people, and flowers, and fairies, and magic, and rainbows, and all kinds of shit like that.  I am an adherent of the teachings of Napoleon Hill and a strong proponent of PMA (Positive Mental Attitude).

Smile power, Motherfuckers!

• They just never get it.  No matter how clearly, and concisely one might point out their folly, they just never seem to get it.  They are thick-headed at best, willfully ignorant at worst.  A Troll might tell you, “The sky is blue, period, dumb-ass,” and you might reply with, “Well, the sky can take on many hues, from red, pink, and orange, to near total blackness,” and they will say, “Typical libtard answer.  The sky is blue, get over yourself,” to which you might respond, “I’m looking at the sky right now, and it’s a gorgeous reddish yellow at the bottom, fading into a deep blackish blue at the top,” and the Troll responds, “Ha! So you admit the sky is blue. WINNING!”  Their story wouldn’t change if the fucking sky burst into green and purple flames.

• They don’t fight “fair.”   It’s not like I expect any aspect of life to be fair, but it is annoying when the Trolls use their tricks and tactics and fight like complete and total assholes.  My favorite is when they insult you, and then call you thin-skinned when you defend yourself.  It’s an oldie but a goodie, and they bust it out with more regularity than “Hotel California” comes spewing out of a car radio.  It’s part of their “you can’t win” strategy.

• They are an invasive species.
   Anywhere there is an open comment section that allows the commentors to remain anonymous, there will be Trolls.  They are like cockroaches, Man.  The get in, they feed, they breed, and they infest.   You can try to stomp on them one at a time, but they are almost impossible to eradicate individually or as a colony.  They are pests.

noun: pest; plural noun: pests
  1. a destructive insect or other animal that attacks crops, food, livestock, etc.

It would seem that some of my personal Trolls have been brave enough to venture out into the daylight lately, on places like Facebook, where they can no longer remain anonymous.  I like that.  I like having names and faces to go with the hateful words and insults, and I like having the power to banish Trolls from my Kingdom.

I’ve pretty much given the comments section at over to the Trolls (and I hear they’ve gone hog-wild in my absence) but if they think they can go to my own dang Facebook page and hate on me, they’re fucking clueless about who I am.

I don’t put up with strangers shitting on the floor in my house, for example.  I find it rude.  The same applies to my Facebook page.

That forum, as well as this one, is moderated by exactly one person: Me.


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